1.4 Sleeping Off Your Wedding

First of all, I would like to make a formal complaint. Why can't sims get married on vacation? Ever heard of destination weddings?

Ugh. Yeah. I know. Probably something to do with merging households. But still. I'm annoyed. I wanted them to elope at the park in Granite Falls, but alas, Juniper and Salim will have to settle for a backyard wedding with chair that no one will use.

What does that entail? Well, the groom moonlighting as mixologist and the bride baking their own cake.

And some very lackluster guests. Except for Akira, who seems confusingly happy for his usual dour demeanor and former romance with the bride.

Salim: WHY IS HE HERE

I don't know, but look how smug he is. The hell, Akira?

Juniper: I don't feel well.

Salim:…You're getting cold feet, aren't you?

Juniper: No! I think I'm getting the flu.

Salim: Do you think you could be pregnant?

Juniper: It's possible.

Salim:…Then maybe you should put the drink down.

Salim: You sure you can do this.

Juniper: Sjdfhsuifhjksdfhjksdhfs

Okay…

Juniper: Sorry, I mean, of course I can do this.

Meanwhile, the guests are lining up in the isle in front of the alter. Because, naturally, standing is appropriate during wedding ceremonies (Thanks TS4).

Juniper: I did it! I got married! And I haven't passed out yet!

Why so dissatisfied?

Salim: Go find my wife.

Oh…

Salim: No, really, I've always wanted to cut my wedding cake alone.

Akira: *Giggles smugly*

Shut up you ass!

I feel ya, Juniper. I feel ya.

Juniper: It's been that kind of day.

I know. Keep drinking that wine.

Juniper: By the way, I'm definitely not pregnant.

Yikes, I'm sorry…

Wow, it looks like you did really have the flu! I guess no honeymoon for you guys.

Nonetheless, they get right to honeymooning the next day when Juniper wakes up a little less scaly.

While Salim works on his mental wellness…



Juniper gets a promotion!



And then so does Salim. Things are going pretty swell for the new couple.

…Until Juniper finds out she isn't pregnant, again.

She she and Salim try again.

Juniper: I look horrible, don't I?

No. I mean, maybe you look like you had some botox work done, but you look ultimately the same.

It turns out that I forgot about both hers and Salim's birthdays. Oops. So here is Juniper as an adult.

As well as a very unamused Salim.

Salim: Are these pictures really even worth including? Do we look any different at all?

Shut up, it's fine.

In light of his recent promotion, Salim hates his job, and comes home every day entirely stressed out with very low fun levels.

Salim: The job is sucking the inspiration right out of my writing. Can I quit?

…No, but you can have a better TV!

Salim: This is hardly better.

Dude, take what you can get. This is a legacy.

You, uh, okay there Juniper?

Juniper: I'm STILL not pregnant.

This looks like terrifying woohoo, but if you think that's a good idea, I'll leave it to you guys…

Juniper: Is there something wrong with me?

What? Why?

Juniper: I'm still not pregnant.

Wait really? You've tried so many times! This is actually starting to concern me, too. 

Juniper: Is there anything you can do?

Here, let me just grab you a fertility treatment…

Whatcha doing there, Salim?

Salim: Just waiting on Juniper to come out of the bathroom. She's taking a pregnancy test.

*Crosses fingers*

Juniper: Well…

Juniper: I'M PREGNANT! FINALLY!

Salim: Hurrah?

What the hell, Salim? Why does your face look like that?

Salim: I don't really know if I like kids.

…But you wanted to be in a legacy.

Somehow, Juniper is so excited that she doesn't even seem to notice how confused her husband is.

Salim: It's fine. I'm so happy.

Salim: *Eight consecutive eye twitches* SO FINE THE FINEST

In light of her pregnancy, we snag some kid equipment for the spare room, which, until now, was pretty much just a bed and a few walls.



Salim gets himself a new promotion.



And Juniper hits another promotion, as well as a maxed cooking level.

She finally has a few days off, and can focus on her gourmet cooking skills.

And meanwhile harasses her husband by eating next to him while he's trying to write.

Maternity leave also offers her the opportunity to finally plant those new herbs she collected on vacation, and, you know, actually water her dying garden.

The pregnancy hormones also prove to be a bit of a problem, especially when Salim comes home from work already grumpy and she just sits, glaring at him, while they eat. Come on, Juniper. He's doing the best he can.

And not before long…

Juniper: WHAT IS THIS WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM SO BADLY?

I don't think that's what's wrong…

Salim: *Cowers* You're in labor, aren't you???!!!

Salim, you are so useless right now.

Well, everyone, meet the first of Generation Two, a little girl named Camellia!

And only a few days later…

Juniper: I've been thinking. I want another baby, and it took so long last time to conceive that I think we should start now.

Salim: I mean, I sure do like the conceiving part…and I know this is necessary for a legacy, so…It's fine.

Way to be a champ, Salim.

AND SHE'S PREGNANT ON FIRST TRY THANK GOD.

And this is his face when she tells him she's pregnant. Again.

WHAT IS THIS FACE AND WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

Anyways, I'll leave you here, to ponder the complexities and horrors of childbearing, just like Salim here. See you next time!

1.3 Meeting Goals and Making Decisions

Last time, Juniper and Salim finally made some decisions. And by decisions, I don't actually mean decisions, I mean sleeping together.

And between then and now, Juniper got to be around level four or five in her career (sorry I'm the worst). Meaning, we can invest in something fun. Like an easel!

But, speaking of decisions, only the next day Juniper invites Salim back over with an important question.

Salim: Hey, I was afraid I wasn't going to hear from you for another week or two, given our track record.

Juniper: *Commitment sim uncomfortable laugh* Of course not! Why would I do that?

Juniper: Actually I had a proposition for you.

Salim: I like where this is going.

Juniper: You should move in with me!

Juniper, you haven't even asked him to be your boyfriend yet…

Salim: Yes! I'd love to!

…Apparently Salim forgot that they haven't actually DTR'd yet as well. Oh well. Screw relationship stereotypes?

Salim: So, I see you have a bit of money in that bank account of yours from your past few promotions. And I have a bit as well.

Juniper: I think I know where you're going here.

Welcome to the Arbor Cottage! I was dumb and forgot that you aren't supposed to keep money brought in from spouses, and then remembered right after I built the house…and then was too attached to the house to get rid of it. Sorry!…It was only like 7 or 8 thousand…Don't hate me. But it's cute, right? Also I suck at TS4 cheats, idk why.

So here's a tour! The kitchen and dining room…

Other view of dining room…

Living room…

Bed room…

Uninteresting bathroom… 

Aaaaand aerial shot. Ooh and there's a guest room with only a bed in there. Future intents involve children. 

It doesn't take them long at all to christen the house.

Clearly, they're living like kings in new legacy money. Cocktails, vegetable tempura, and cake. Can I move in with you guys? What a meal.

Juniper: What's wrong?

Salim: I know we've both taken a few days off work this week to spend time together, but we haven't even, you know, made our relationship official yet.

Juniper: I didn't know we had to?

Salim: *Gets up and runs outside*

Juniper: Salim, what on earth is going on?

Salim: I just don't understand where we are. You'll live with me, but you won't make me your boyfriend.

Juniper: What? I just thought we were secure enough in our relationship that labels were arbitrary. But we can be in an official, committed relationship if you want.

Salim: I do want that.

Juniper: Then it's settled. I'm now your girlfriend.

Salim: And you'll tell Akira about our relationship and that you can only be friends?

Juniper: Oh.

While Salim went to work, Juniper called up Akira so they could discuss the…situation.

Is that…Lord Stonewall Akira smiling? Damn, you must be great at friend-zoning. Teach me your ways! Write a Buzzfeed article!…or maybe it should be for guys to learn how to be friend-zoned.

When Salim gets home, he writes not one, but two novels––and his first thus far! Both of which entitled The Journey of Werewolves. Not The Journey of Werewolves I and II, BOTH are The Journey of Werewolves. It's a hipster thing.

Apparently.

Juniper: I wanted to tell you that I talked to Akira and it went great!

Salim: That's great news!

Salim: And, I actually have some great news as well!

Juniper: Oh?

Salim: I think we should go on vacation!

Juniper:…

Salim: What?

Juniper: We're poor.

Salim: It's camping. All we have to do is buy a tent.

Juniper: Ah! Well, in that case, let's go!

Salim:…Right now?

Juniper: Yeah! Oh, sorry, should I let you finish eating?

Salim: Very funny.

And here we are, moments later, at Granite Falls!

Juniper: It sure does get dark early here.

Salim: I mean, we waited until after dinner to come camping. What did you expect?

Juniper: No, I like it. I love the outdoors.

Salim:…I am really tired, though.

Juniper: Yeah, I'm actually so exhausted.

*After totally spacing and remembering that the tents and beds aren't already there oops*

They're basically about to pass out before they get the tent set up. Sorry guys!

The next morning the chef is annoyed with her boyfriend for having made something as bleh as frank and beans for breakfast.

Salim: I'll make it up to you, I promise

Juniper: That I like to hear.

Here they are at the national park (thing? I cannot remember the name of this lot).

In a ruse to get Juniper to go fishing with him, Salim takes her to the waterfall.

Salim: Juniper, our relationship has been complicated, confusing, and probably the unnecessarily longest romance in legacy history. But things have been so great recently. AND I haven't seen J. Huntington III in like an entire chapter, which means that something has to be going right.

Salim: So, I was wondering…*awkward fumbling*

Salim: If you would marry me?

Juniper: OMG YES! *Grabs ring and leaves Salim kneeling uncomfortably*

Juniper: This makes me so happy.

Salim: Me too!

And, hey, maybe there can be more plot than just your convoluted relationships (I'M SO SORRY WORLD).

*Technically end of chapter, but keeping reading for approximately three sides to see what happens while Salim actually fishes.*

Juniper wanders off collecting plants and finds this brambly cave.

She winds up in the Deep Woods. I imagine it's cool, but it's kinda dark and also Juniper's needs are crazy low.

But she meets the hermit, so that's fun!

Happy holidays everyone! Tune in next time for a chaotic wedding episode.