Penny: What? You're like seventeen? Nice try.
Penrith: Damn. A kid can dream.
Theo: But you know who *is* moving out today? Me. It's my birthday. Finally I can get a tastefully-decorated garden cottage in Windenburg.
Welcome back to the Strangers, friends! It's been a few months, hasn't it? What can I say? PhD apps are controlling my life. But don't worry. I still have tons of content to share with you (it just might get shared in bursts…).
Penrith: You can take me with you, right?
Theo: Definitely not, kiddo.
I have never seen him look so devious. However, if you guessed that means neither of these two are the next TH, you guessed correctly. Honestly, I will really miss them both. I've dragged this generation out so long that I've grown quite attached to all of the kids.
Penny: How did I get so old? No one has talked about the fact that I defeated the StrangerVille monster in decades. The game pack that really keeps on giving, am I right?
Penny: Oh, I threw out my back!
Theo: …I'm the one who aged up, not you.
Cole: Heh heh. Soon.
That's right. This little deviant is our next TH. Let's all take a moment of silence to mourn for the upcoming chaos.
Meanwhile, Theo lives up to his promise on buying a garden cottage, but has to settle for a house in Newcrest. Affordability isn't really Windenburg's strength.
To celebrate one less mouth to feed, I send Penrith and Aleksander out to a party with their older siblings who, well, just look really tired. Adulthood not treating you well, guys?
Theo: I don't know what you're talking about. I'm hip. I'm really hip. I can dance. I can stay out late.
Serafina: Theodore, it's just not worth it. Let's go home and drink coffee before we have to go to work.
Penrith tentatively approaches his girlfriend, Carlee. In all honesty, he really hasn't been feeling their relationship recently. But I guess that's what happens when your mom sets you up with a girl.
Penrith: Hey, Carlee…
Carlee: You haven't called me in two weeks! What's going on?
Penrith: Uh…legacy stuff.
Carlee: Hmm. Seems legit. Okay!
Gunner: Fancy seeing you here.
Serafina: Look, I know you don't want anything to do with me. So maybe just leave me alone. I don't want you to get in trouble with your wife.
Gunner: I think I made a mistake––
Serafina: Oh HELL NO. That's it, I'm leaving. Why are the only guys interested in me married?
Porter: Aleksander! Penrith! Hey!
Aleksander: If I ignore him, he might not notice that I'm here.
Porter: Why do I even bother?
Serafina: What's up with you?
Penrith: I don't know how to break up with my girlfriend. You?
Serafina: I'm getting hit on by a married man who's already rejected me.
Penrith: …You win.
Porter: Hey, girl. Wanna dance?
Unidentified Woman: *sighs and walks away*
Porter: I see. Hard to get. I can play this game.
No, you really can't, Porter.
Porter: This might be the worst party I've ever attended.
Serafina: The chips are stale.
OKAY I don't know what you want from me? I'm not allowed to control any of you? Just be happy that you're out of the house.
The teens manage to come home before midnight, and find Penny and Cole still awake eating cake in the kitchen.
Cole: Back so soon? I was wondering how quickly it would take you bozos to strike out with the ladies.
Aleksander: We didn't strike out, right?
Penrith: No, look. I got two new numbers.
Aleksander: …But…you already have a girlfriend? Can I have them?
Penrith: No way! I've been looking for a way to break up with Carlee for weeks. If she sees these numbers in my phone, she might just break up with me instead.
The next morning…
Cole: Bye Mom! Have a great day at work! I love you!
Penny: Why do I feel like this kid is punking me?
Well, it's Cole, so…he probably is.
As Akira leaves for work after Penny, if you listen closely enough you can hear him mumbling, "I've never hated a kid so much in my entire life."
Cole: LA LA LA, just paintin' the dirt!
Penny: Fina, it's so good to see you! Did you have fun with your brothers last night?
Serafina: Not really. Mom, can I talk to you about marriage?
Penny: Oh my god it's finally happening! Let me go get the phone book––
Serafina: No, no, that's not it. I wanted to know what it was like when you and Akira started dating…
Serafina: I know you were married to Arie, and Akira was married to Lilith. But something made you both know that those marriages weren't right for you. How did you decide that? When do you know if it's right to break up a marriage?
Penny: Who is he?
Serafina: Uh, well, no one.
Penny: Does he have kids.
Serafina: Well, yes…
Penny: Don't do it. Just don't. Akira and I caused a lot of heartbreak for both you and our spouses. I really wish I had never put you through that.
Aleksander: Did I just hear Serafina say that you and Mom had an affair––
Akira: HA! No! Goddamnit, look, the laundry is ready!
Aleksander: You have to confront your feelings of guilt someday, you know…
Akira: Oh, when did you get your PsyD.? Should I be paying for a session?
Aleksander: Very funny.
Fancy clothes? A bunch of people who don't live here? This could only mean one thing…
Speaking of the birthday boy…
Penrith: Ugh, she's behind me, isn't she?
Cole: Dude, chill. It's Serenity Feng.
Aleksander: Can I break up with Carlee for you? This is ridiculous?
Lilith actually manages to grace us with her angry presence for about half an hour! A new record.
Cole, whispering: Just break up with her.
Penrith: Get lost.
Penrith: Hey, babe. Good to see you.
Serenity: *snickers*
Penrith: So, Theo. When are you proposing to Serenity?
Theo: Hey! Keep your voice down. I don't want you to give her any ideas.
Penrith: I'm sure she already has those ideas, but sure.
Lilith: Aaaaand I think it's time to leave.
Porter: Tessa, it's good to see you. Have you thought any more about that date?
Tessa: I'm sorry, kid, but I turned you down last time. I'm not going to change my mind.
Penrith: Llamaballs!
Serenity: Turkeyfeathers!
Penrith: Uh, what?
Serenity: Oh, I thought we were just combining random words to create new avenues of expressing our frustration.
Luna, Arie's very young bride, walks through the door in this little ensemble, and Porter immediate blushes and turns away.
Porter: Oh my gosh, oh my gosh…
Akira: Great, Penny's going to love this…
Theo: Do you understand why she's wearing that?
Serafina: No, but I imagine it has something to do with feeling very insecure about her relationship with Dad.
Theo: I feel incredibly uncomfortable right now.
Theo: Hey, kiddo! I like you so much more now that I don't live with you.
Cole: Gee, thanks.
Aleksander: Does it feel like we maybe forgot to do something at Penrith's birthday party last night?
Cole: Did you forget to film one of your porn shows?
Aleksander: SERIOUSLY COLE!
Cole: It's not my fault you wear that track suit and won't shave your beard.
Akira: Kids! Stop fighting! And don't let your mother hear you talking about porn.
Aleksander: Dad, she's like, right here.
Penrith: You're all idiots.
Penny: I hear nothing.
Penrith: Can I blow out the candles already?
Aleksander: Oh. We forgot to actually celebrate your birthday last night.
Penny: Don't worry. The cake is already made.
Penrith: Yeah, that totally makes up for the fact that *everyone* forgot about me at my own party last night.
Cole: You're just so forgettable.
Akira: Not one more word, demon child!
And so Penrith finally ages up and gets to live out his long lost dream of moving far, far away. Well, as far as the next neighborhood.
Akira: The sooner they're all gone, the sooner we're stuck at home alone with Cole…
And he calls Carlee over to…oh, this, um, isn't breaking up.
That's also not breaking up…
That's DEFINITELY not breaking up!
Penrith, are you okay?
Penrith: Yeah, it's fine. This is just easier.
Theo: Hey, man. I was on my way over with a fruitcake when I saw you propose. Congratulations!
Penrith: I, myself, have also been kicking things up a notch with Serenity.
Theo: In fact…
Carlee: Is he…literally proposing to his girlfriend the same day we got engaged? Seriously?
Penrith: Theo has zero agency. It was always going to take me proposing to get his competitive drive going.
Carlee: How…romantic?
Serenity moves in, and gets a little legacy makeover. We'll end there for today, but there's more coming soon. And once Aleksander is out of the house, I'm going back to narrative style writing like in the beginning when it was just Penny. It's a bit challenging to drama-narrate a seven person household, ya know? See you next time!
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