Akira: Behold, an event of utmost rarity. Cole Stranger is doing homework autonomously.
Cole: I hate all of you.
Welcome back to the Stranger ISBI. We're a few Stranger kids down (the road…since they moved), and things are really calming down for Penny and Akira.
However, the teenage angst with this one does not seem to be calming down anytime soon.
Penny: What's wrong?
Aleksander: I'm so tired of eating cake for every single meal.
Akira: *washes dishes furiously*
Akira walks over to his wife and gives her a big hug. "Hey, I think you're doing great. We've had a rough couple of years with all these kids. It's great that we even have food on the table. So what if it's healthy carob cake?"
Penny: Thanks, Akira. Cole may have worn you out as a toddler, but you still always tried to do your best. Aleks is moving out soon. Maybe finally we can have some date nights again.
Cole, meanwhile, has begun the journey into a functional human being.
How many times has he thrown food on the ground mid-meal since aging up?
NONE. And we are all better for it.
Aleksander: *Sigh* Cake. Again.
Penny: I need a nap.
Akira: I think the cake's great.
Penny: No you don't. It's vegan.
Aleksander: Oh great. I'm sick now. This is what I need.
Cole shook his head as he finished his cake. Aleks wasn't the only one looking forward to him moving out.
It was starting to feel as though we were all a little too cooped up. And, well, honestly Cole needs some friends. So the Stranger kids meet up at a park in a different neighborhood for a change of scenery.
Porter, however, has just about had it with attending these family outings and still being ignored, still feeling like an outsider. He wondered to himself why he bothered coming every time, and yet still shows up every time.
Serafina: Hey, Porter! What're you doing for a job these days?
Porter: I've been working in the food industry.
Serafina: Really? Still? Did you get that keyboard yet?
Porter: …No.
Serafina: Still living with Lilith?
Porter: …Yeah.
Serafina: You know, Porter, I was reminiscing about how much fun we had as kids. Remember when we used to play Frasier and Niles together? I miss that.
Porter: Wait, you do?
Serafina: Of course! Look, the guys suck, okay? Don't listen to them. Penrith and Aleks don't know what it was like for us during those first few years of the divorce. And Theo's just…focused on Theo. Have you talked to Kira yet? About the divorce and stuff?
Porter: No, he always said we would talk when we're older.
Serafina: Well, I think you're older now, Porter.
So Porter came home with the kids because he decided it was high time to talk to Akira about all of his childhood trauma.
Porter: Hey, Dad. Can we talk?
Akira: Of course. It's good to see you. You haven't been around in a while.
Porter: Honestly, I was kind of mad at you. At Penny. And the other kids. I felt like Mom abandoned me, and then I felt like you had no time for me, and I just grew up in a family that didn't have space for me.
Porter: Why did Mom have to kick me out with you when I was just a toddler? Was it my fault?
Akira: Oh, kiddo. No, it was never your fault. Lilith loved you so much, but she was really overwhelmed and, well, when she looked at you she saw me. And that was really painful for her.
Porter: Because you had an affair?
Akira: Yes. And then by the time she realized her mistake with you, she saw you living with me and Penny, and felt like it wasn't her place to step in anymore. Like she had already lost you to another woman. But none of this helps. We both made mistakes, and those mistakes affected you horribly. I was madly in love with Penny, and couldn't see what I was doing to you. I'm sorry, son.
Porter: Thanks, Dad. You know, I'm really glad we've been able to talk about this.
Akira: I wish I had talked about it to you sooner. I guess I assumed that I had hurt you enough. No kid really wants to learn more about his parents' neuroses, you know?
Porter: To be quite honest, I've always felt like you failed me as a parent. You all did. But I'm trying to accept that and move on. Because I would rather have a relationship with you now than never have one at all.
Penny: Hey, good call bringing Porter home.
Serafina: The boys have been so mean to him lately. He was looking pretty rough.
Penny: If there's one thing Kira and I failed it, it was raising kind humans. You, on the other hand, are incredibly empathetic.
Serafina: Yeah, that's what you get when you're stuck raising twenty siblings.
Akira got up for a few minutes to grab some coffee, and Penrith sat down in his place. This took Porter by surprise.
Penrith: 'Sup man. I'm not here to delve into our neuroses or whatever's happening with you and Dad, but I did want to apologize for being an asshole. You're family. I should treat you better.
Porter: Oh, maybe if I pretend he's not here, he will leave…
Penrith: Ha ha, very funny. I deserve that.
Penrith: In all seriousness, though, sorry. I don't know if we'll ever really be friends, but we'll always be family.
Porter: I never really felt like I had a family. So that's really all I need.
Theo: You alright, Kira?
Akira: I'll be okay. It's not everyday you realize your utter failure as a parent.
Because we're all in need of a breath of ~less serious~ air, I send the family to the Romance Festival. Ah, our good old favorite!
Guru: Oh no. Not you again.
Penny: Yes me! I would like a reading on my current romantic situation, please!
Guru: …are you sure?
Hindsight is 20/20, amiright?
Penny: Yeah. I've never been more sure.
Honestly, guys, I'm about to fully buy into the Romance Festival Guru. This guy is magic.
Penny: Well, hello there. You look dressed up enough to be wealthy and employed, and sad enough to be single.
Alexander: How…how did you know?
Penny: Never-married or divorced?
Alexander: Widower.
Penny: …Not ideal, but we can work with that.
Serafina: Sorry I'm late.
Penny: Oh, hello, Serafina! This is my new friend…
Alexander: Alexander Goth.
Serafina: Serafina Stranger. I don't know what's happening, but I'm going to just go ahead and apologize for my mother in advance.
Alexander: It's fine. She's, eh, charming?
Serafina: Aggressive is probably the better word for it, but I appreciate your attempts at being nice.
Penrith: Hey, what'd I miss?
Serafina: Mom is being…Mom.
Penrith: Oh, I see what's happening here.
Penrith: Your new boyfriend looks like a dweeb.
Serafina: He's not my boyfriend.
Penrith: Yet. Once Mom sets her mind on a match, there's no going back.
Serafina: We don't all have the agency of a dead fiddle leaf fig, Penrith.
Penrith: Not gonna lie, that cut me deep.
Penny: So, Alexander, Serafina, I was thinking that perhaps you should go out on a date.
Serafina: Oh my GOD, MOM.
Alexander: Uh, well, here's a flower?
Serafina: Oh, thanks. You know, maybe that date wouldn't be so bad.
Alexander: Actually, I'm not interested.
Serafina buried her face into her hands. "The hell? You just gave me a rose and now you're rejecting me? Okay, well, I'm going home to my apartment, which I will never leave again."
Look, guys, I just had to screen capture fully what was happening here.
Penny: You had one job. One. Job.
Alexander: I'm…really confused.
Meanwhile…
Aleksander: *heavy, lonely sigh*
Because I miss the good old days of throwing big family and friend parties, I decide that Penny's birthday party is the perfect time to christen Theo and Serenity's new house!
However, you could find Serenity pouting in the corner most of the night. At least Porter has a pouting friend?
Since it is a celebration for our matchmaking legacy founder here, it's only fitting that Alexander Goth be invited. Much to everyone's surprise, her master plan seems to be working though.
Alexander, despite feeling very much like a loner, watches Serafina interact with Cole. He thinks to himself that, really, despite her young age, she is very good with children.
However, things aren't going quite as smoothly inside the kitchen.
Serenity: Are you seriously baking a cake in my house?
Penny: Well, yes. We need one for my birthday.
Serenity: But with my flour?
Penny: I don't know what you want from me right now. It's bad enough that I have to make my own cake.
Serenity: Stop this at once! I will not have some other woman taking over my kitchen.
Penny: I see that Lily and Victor certainly did a number on your mental health.
Serenity: Get out!
Penny: Theo, can you do something about her?
Theo: Oh, I want nothing to do with this.
Serenity: Theodore, tell your mother to behave!
Theo: Mom, I'm sorry. We're going to have to move the celebration somewhere else.
Penny: What?
Theo: We're newly engaged. I can't cross her right now.
Carlee: Talk about having no agency…
Theo: You have got to be joking! No agency? Look at your fiancé.
Penny: Okay, I think that maybe it is time to leave after all.
Penny: I can't believe my son just kicked me out of my own party.
Akira: I really don't know what's gotten into him. But at least I still have my martini.
Penny: Honey, that's a simsopolitan.
Akira:…Don't ruin this for me.
Penny, Akira, and the kids (well, a few of them) head home to finally celebrate our founder's birthday. Parties just aren't the same now that there are so many kids and daughters-in-law in the pictures. It seems like perhaps we might be done with destination parties until everyone is grown and moved out.
Penny grew up with her usual coconut carob cake and a back that was aching pre-birthday. But, really, the silver hair suits her.
Penny: Guess it's time for bed now. My kids all hate me.
That's the spirit.
Meanwhile, Alexander went with Serafina back to her place for a nightcap. However, that nightcap was a little darker than we expected.
Serafina: Oh, don't mind the darkness. I just haven't paid the electricity bill in a few weeks.
Like mother, like daughter.
Alexander: I'm glad you're still talking to me. I was worried that I scared you off the other day.
Serafina: My mom literally tried to force you into asking me out. I wouldn't blame you if you had been scared off.
To Alexander's great surprise (and perhaps horror?), Serafina quickly leans in and kisses him.
Serafina: Oh, jeez. Sorry. That was too much, right?
Alexander remained quiet for a moment. "No, no. It wasn't enough."
So one thing led to another, and…
…and he decides that now is the best time to introduce his very young girlfriend to his teenage step-daughter, Katelyn, and two daughters, Nikita and Madison.
Things seem to be going pretty well with these two. For a man who was certainly hesitant only days ago, Alexander seems to have gotten over his anxieties.
Alexander: I had my worries about you, Fina.
Serafina: Gee, thanks…
Alexander: But when I saw the way you interacted with your little brother and have heard more about how you took care of everyone when you, yourself, were a child, I've come to realize that your maturity is well beyond your age.
Alexander bent down on one knee.
Serafina: I'm sorry, but it's clear that you're looking for a mother for your girls. I'm just not there yet. But I do have an idea.
Alexander: I'm not sure now is the time for generating ideas…
Serafina: I'm not sure I'm ready to marry you, and your family. But what if we move in together? Then I can get to know the girls better and you and I can both see whether or not I fit into your family.
Alexander: Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but it will have to do.
You heard it here, folks. The world's most romantic proposal…and a legacy curse.
Meanwhile, back at the Stranger legacy house…
Akira: Well, son. Tonight is your birthday and Christmas. What are you most excited for?
Cole: Tonight is also Aleksander's birthday as well. Now that I am excited about.
Akira: What? Why?
Aleksander: Because I'm moving out. Thanks, little asshole.
Cole: Just for your birthday, I'll spare you the porn jokes.
Aleksander: I've never been so touched in my life.
Cole: That's what she said.
Aleksander: …Yeah, I'm ready to move out now.
As Aleksander finished up one last homework assignment, Penny sat at her kitchen table and thought about all of the children she's raised.
It was hard work having so many kids around the house. But she would never forget the moments when everyone banded together against Toddler Nightmare Cole Stranger just to get him to eat a bell pepper. They grow up fast, but with him it was never fast enough.
Akira: Are you ready? We're nearly empty nesters.
Penny: We're in a legacy. We'll never be empty nesters. Just Cole is as good as it gets.
Akira: That is…a terrifying thought.
I also apparently forgot that tonight was Akira's elder birthday, so he gets to go first. With his wife and Saint Nick as an audience.
Next up is a usually annoyed Cole.
Cole: Yeah, I'm so much hotter than all of my brothers.
Saint Nick: …I have a feeling that you're always going to be on the naughty list.
A little teenage angsty rebel here…
A little man bun there…
And some proper Cole sass.
Akira: I was a cool hipster once.
Cole: Unlike you, I'll always remain a cool hipster. Pink hat and shoes with red and brown? Please.
Saint Nick: Why is there cake on the floor?
Finally, it's Aleksander's turn.
Aleksander: Well, that was anti-climatic. Get me out of here ASAP.
So I move Aleksander into…uh…okay, well, this is embarrassing. Sorry Aleks, I don't actually know where you moved to. (I also kind of don't care? You're just really mopey?)
And that's where we'll leave you. Next chapter begins Generation 2 and full, dramatic narration. How will the family fare with only Cole as the single TH? Probably not well, to be honest.
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