Welcome back to…guys, what is this?
Penny: Don't look at me. I just got home from work.
Akira: The laundry is…aerating.
I can't with you two right now. Things at the Stranger household are messy, to say the least. The past several days have clearly been taking it out of Penny and Akira.
Our new canning oven broke and I had a brief heart attack when I thought the flames were an actual fire. Turns out, we just needed to fix it. What a relief.
Cole: That's the last piece of cake.
Akira: I own nothing anymore.
But for a brief moment, all seems well when Cole and Akira bond after Cole takes his father's cake.
*Sends up prayers to the universe that Cole as a child is better than Cole as a toddler.*
Cole: Hey mom, your plants are looking great!
Penny: I just threw out seven dead plants. Don't taunt me.
Serafina stops by to see how everyone is doing. We all miss this girl. She was honestly so useful.
Penny: Serafina, it's so good to see you! What brings you around?
Serafina: I couldn't miss Aleksander's birthday!
Theo, meanwhile, isn't doing so great. He sips his coffee in the empty nursery in an attempt to find some peace and quiet.
Theo, staring into his coffee: "My life is meaningless."
Oh, boy.
Theo: Serafina, you're here!…and cleaning!
Serafina: I figured I might as well, since I actually have well-met needs.
It seems that Serafina is feeling pretty guilty about leaving her family to wallow in their own misery.
…Have I mentioned how much we miss Serafina?
Cole: And then I said, "Well, who doesn't throw their soup on the floor?" Funny, right?
Aleksander: …Theo, can Penrith and I switch beds?
Theo: I just…I just want to be alone.
Penrith: Didn't you already take the last piece of cake from Dad this morning?
Cole: That's what Dad thinks. Why else would I be eating cake in here?
Penrith: You…are terrible.
Aleksander: Mom, look! I'm aging up.
Penny: Uh huh, that's nice dear.
And so Aleksander ages up with minimal fanfare and a pretty desperate need for a bath.
Welcome, teenage Aleksander! He grows into the fitness aspiration, with the friendly and gloomy traits. That will be interesting?
Aleksander: I thought I was supposed to be less miserable as a teen.
Yeah, that's what they say. Sorry to disappoint, but I think you're always going to be miserable with that gloomy trait.
Cole: What is wrong with you guys? Everyone is so miserable in this house?
Aleksander: You'll understand when you're older.
Theo: …I had a girlfriend, once.
Cole: …Okay, I'm going to go find Penrith. You guys suck.
It doesn't take long for Akira to notice that Aleksander is pretty unhappy. He comes over to sit next to him.
Akira: Is everything okay?
Aleksander: I just realized that I still have so long before I can move out. And we haven't even had the heir poll yet. What if I can't ever move out?
Akira: Either way, you'll gain some autonomy in your life, whether it's by moving out or becoming the torch holder. It seems hard now, but you'll lead a fulfilling life no matter what. This period of your life will end.
Aleksander: Can it end, like, today?
Akira: Okay, this is well beyond my parenting skills. I need some coffee.
Way to tell it like it is, Akira.
Before Akira and Aleksander can finish their conversation, Aleksander leaves to go mope around, and his presence is replaced by Penny's ex-husband.
Akira: Uh, hi, Arie.
Arie: We don't need to do this.
Penny returns home from work miserable, as always.
Cole: Hi Mom!
Penny: How do you have so much energy all the time?
It's his evil spirit. He sold his soul for energy. Not gonna lie, I probably would do the same.
Unfortunately, Theo and Aleksander's hormonal blues seem to have spread to Penrith these days.
Penrith: Dad, I *need* to get out of this house for a night.
Akira: I mean, I don't really know what you expect me to do about that. It's not like I have any control around here.
Penrith: I haven't seen Carlee since we started dating.
Akira: Who's Carlee? What happened to Emily?
Penrith: They're the same person. We used to think that Carlee's name was Emily.
Akira: Well, that's confusing.
Penrith: I know! That's why I need to get out for a night! I couldn't even remember my girlfriend's name!
Aleksander: Dad!
Akira: *Sigh* Not you, too.
Aleksander: Can you tell Cole to stop being so damn peppy all the time?
Akira: He's literally the only one of you who doesn't hate his life. No, I will not.
Arie: Hi, Theo!
Theo: You're still here? Seriously?
Theo gets up, stomps to the fridge, and grabs a piece of cake.
Akira: …What?
Theo: I can't take it anymore! Arie needs to leave! I can't stop stress eating!
Akira: Since when have you started calling your dad Arie?
Theo: He's barely involved in my life. You're the one that raised me. He just comes around and takes our food.
Akira: Well, I'm flattered, but also Penny is not going to like this.
Unfortunately for Theo, Arie has started making more of an effort these days.
And unfortunately for Arie, Theo is having none of it.
Arie: I was thinking that maybe we could go to the flea market together later––
Theo: No! Just leave! I'm too tired to handle two dads trying to be in my life right now.
Arie: But––
Theo: I literally do not care.
Poor Arie gets up and leaves, disappointed that his son is heavily in the throes of teenage hormones.
Aleksander: Don't you think you were kind of hard on him?
Theo: Honestly, I just don't care right now. He's so weird. Like, why does he live in a bunker? And why did he marry someone who's closer to Serafina's age than his own?
Aleksander: And…you're just now noticing this?
Cole: Hey, thanks for the coffee!
Aleksander: But, that's my…
Cole: Like I said, thanks.
The youngest is 100% dominating the house with that self-assured trait of his, and the older boys have gotten incredibly fed up. Something's gonna give in this household soon, I can feel it.
These two are so exhausted by the end of the day that they're ready for bed by 6 PM. However, Akira has some stuff on his mind that he wants to discuss.
Akira: Penny, I think we need to talk about how often Arie comes over.
Penny: I know, I wish he were around more for Theo.
Akira: No, I mean that I think he comes around too much.
Penny stops climbing into bed with the sheets raised in her hands. "What? Really?"
Akira: Theo's been pretty moody recently, and Aleksander said that he saw Theo blow up at Arie. I think the kid needs some space.
Penny: *Sighs* Okay, I'll talk to Arie.
Meanwhile, these two are standing just on the other side of the bedroom wall…clapping?
I really don't understand what this means, but okay?
Cole: You know you both look like idiots, right?
Aleksander: Why is he so mean?
Penrith: I don't know, man. We're not idiots, right?
Aleksander: I mean, we are both failing school.
Penrith: But so is he.
Aleksander: Yeah, but he only just started going, so he isn't failing quite as badly.
Akira: Have you noticed that our kids are kind of…?
Penny: Weird?
Akira: I was going to say sad, but, yeah, weird also works.
Penrith: Listen, Cole. We need to talk.
Cole: Uh. Okay.
Penrith: You need to be nicer to everyone. You're making all of us miserable.
Penrith: And, to be quite honest, you're going to fail school one day like the rest of us, too. It's essentially an ISBI legacy requirement.
Cole: But…I thought I was clever.
Penrith: It doesn't matter how clever we are. Autonomously doing our homework just doesn't happen enough for us to succeed.
Cole: Whatever. At least I'll still have my cool, bad-boy vibe.
Penrith: We're Akira's sons, we *all* have that cool, bad-boy vibe.
Cole: Not Aleksander.
Penrith: Oh. God.
Aleksander, standing in the kitchen drinking his seventh cup of coffee for the day, unfortunately overhears this conversation. He slams down his mug, and gives his brother a gentle shove.
Aleksander: Hey, kid! I'm just as cool as you are.
Penrith: Aleks, that's really not helping your case.
Cole: You look like a failed, middle-aged porn star in the eighties. Dude, you're not cool.
Penrith: Cole, I don't think you should let Mom know that you know what porn stars look like.
Aleksander: …You overheard, didn't you?
Theo: For the record, I don't think you look like a porn star.
Tensions are growing TOO HIGH at the Stranger household, so I figured it was time for a friendly family visit to Serafina's new apartment in San Myshuno.
As you can see, the crew is unanimously displeased and Aleksander is still moping.
Cole: Hey, Aleks. I'm, uh, sorry about earlier.
Aleksander immediately gives his little brother a hug: "That's okay, kid. I'm just glad you didn't really mean what you said."
Cole: Oh, no, I still think you look like a porn star. But, maybe like a middle age, failed porn star that is Chris Pratt's older, less attractive brother.
Aleksander: *Sigh* I guess I'll take that.
Penny: This girl is in her twenties and her apartment is cleaner than anywhere I've ever lived. It's unfair.
I mean, you could be happy that you raised a functioning adult instead of getting mad.
Meanwhile, Porter, who hasn't been around in a very long time, gives himself a pep talk in Serafina's bathroom.
Porter: Okay. You can do it. They're family. Sure, they haven't called since you moved out, but they clearly still care about you. Just go out there and act cool!
Akira: Okay, I don't know what's gotten into you three, but you need to get your acts together! We're here for Serafina, and I won't have you moping around the entire afternoon.
Penrith: Dad, we're just so tired. I want to go home.
Akira: Oh, no. You guys were just complaining about how you don't get out enough. This is your chance.
Theo: I'm sorry, but do you really think that going to our older sister's apartment is "getting out?"
We end up cutting our visit with Serafina short, as the boys are just…a lot to handle in her tiny apartment. Unfortunately, the first ten minutes back at the Stranger household have me pulling my hair out.
Penrith: Seriously, Cole?
Cole: Just keep walking.
Okay. Okay, we're getting the teens out of the house and into a normal social setting. I can't with this anymore.
So I send the teens, with Serafina and Porter, to a bar––which will be interesting considering the fact that I can't control any of them. I do invite Carlee, Penrith's girlfriend along, however.
Serafina: I'm sorry, but is your outfit even more revealing than your daytime outfit? I didn't realize that was possible.
Carlee: I told your mom I'm not a stripper!
Oh, jeez.
Porter: Aleksander, h-hey, man! It's been a while.
Aleksander: Yeah, what are you up to these days?
Porter: Oh, I live with Lilith.
Aleksander: …You…moved in with your mom?
Then this particular young adult walks in––Gunner Huntington III. Well, well, well, Gunner. If Serafina were heir, we would snatch you up in a heartbeat!
Porter: So, yeah, there's a lot of garlic around the neighborhood, and Lilith can't really go on walks anymore because of it.
Penrith: I don't miss him.
Porter: You know I can hear you.
Penrith: No, you can't.
Porter: Oh, okay…
Gunner, much to my disbelief and happiness, sits down at a barstool right next to Serafina.
What? Even though she moved out, I still want to meddle in her life!
Gunner: I'll have a salty splash.
Serafina: Salty splash, huh? Nice choice.
Gunner: I used to work as a bartender here, so I like to think that I have good taste. Say, I don't think I've seen you around Windenburg before.
Serafina: I live in San Myshuno. This is my first time here.
Gunner: Well, you'll have to let me show you around sometime.
Serafina: I would like that.
Gunner: So, you gonna let me buy you a drink?
Serafina: Sure. Make it a double. I'm going to run to the ladies room, in the meantime.
Well she looks PLEASED.
Gunner kills me. He has the self-confidence of J. Huntington III, his grandfather, and the cool suaveness of his father, Don Lothario. Your genes are SO INTERESTING.
Theo: So, why aren't you over there talking to your girlfriend?
Penrith: I'm just not sure I'm feeling it. Ya know?
Theo: Not really. I haven't seen Serenity in ages. I think she might've ghosted me.
Speaking of Serenity Feng, she doesn't show up to the bar, but her older brother Bradford does! The Fengs live on! You can tell…because of the eyebrows.
He's with a group of other young adults that honestly just look like they belong in a bad fraternity sitcom.
So, naturally, the Stranger kids (plus Carlee) make an effort to befriend them.
Starburns: Oh, uh, hi? *whispers to Bradford* Why are these teenagers sitting with us?
Bradford: It's cool. The middle one is dating my sister.
Theo: Yes, so I *am* still dating Serenity!
Theo, your love life is a mess.
Later that evening, I decide to switch over to Serafina's household really quickly to try and set these two up before MCC snatches them up into a weird pairing.
Serafina: Hey, Gunner. I'm glad you could make it.
Gunner: Listen, we have to talk.
Gunner: I'm married.
Serafina: WHAT.
Gunner: I do like you, but I just don't think this is a good idea anymore. Sorry, I had a lot to drink last night.
Serafina: Well of course it's not a good idea! You're married.
Gunner: I know…we just have such good chemistry. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.
I'm not going to lie. I 100% thought about just MCC erasing his marriage away. He's a young adult, there was no way he had time to start up a family…
And then my master plan was foiled by two kids.
HOW DO YOU ALREADY HAVE TWO KIDS?
My heart is broken.
What do you say folks, like mother like daughter?
We'll come back to that one. But, for now, it's heir poll time!
I checked out teen Cole in CAS so you guys would have a reference. Currently he's still a child, but he does have the self-assured trait and is bound to give us a wild, dramatic, slightly mean ride. Cole is the youngest. He's Akira's son.
Second youngest is Aleksander, our gloomy and friendly future athlete. We would sure be in for a sensitive and emotional time with this one! Akira is his father. And he *totally doesn't look like Chris Pratt if Chris Pratt was a porn star*
Then we have our second oldest boy, the snarky and sarcastic Penrith, whose hatred of Arie has been apparent since childhood. He's an outgoing muser (outgoing? Really?) with the aspiring author aspiration. His father is Akira.
And last but not least we have our posh eldest boy, Theodore, whom we call Theo. This gentleman is a snobby perfectionist with the freelance botanist aspiration. Perhaps he could be the one to save and revive Penny's garden? We would be in for a lot of perfectionist meltdowns and daddy issues with this one, as Arjun (Arie) is his father.
There's a poll on the top righthand side of the blog (above archive). Please vote for your favorite Stranger boy to be heir!
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